Have you ever felt trapped by family expectations during the holidays, wondering if you're the only one dreading showing up and having to be on guard in every conversation with certain family members? If you’re battling guilt, pressure, or tension with extended family, this episode is for you. Today, we’re tackling the challenge of setting boundaries with love and intention, so you can protect your peace and focus on the relationships that truly matter.
I remember growing up, every holiday was a big deal. We’re talking about the whole family gathered together—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it. And as much as there was love in those gatherings, there was also a lot of tension. Unspoken rules, expectations, and a strong sense that you don’t rock the boat. And let me tell you, in the South, there’s this unspoken rule that family always comes first. I mean, bless your heart if you don’t show up to every single event. You will most certainly be the topic of conversation.
But as I got older, I started realizing that some of these relationships were draining me and even holding me back from the person God was calling me to be. And I want to talk about that today because I know I’m not alone. It’s time we stop letting the pressure of generational influence dictate how we live our lives, especially when those relationships aren't good for our physical, emotional, or mental health.
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I’m going to be vulnerable with you here… when I got married in June of 2022, I got silent on social media. I lived in a constant state of fear of sharing our family story with the world I had committed to find community in. It was a space I had felt comfortable in for so long, however, suddenly that changed because blending families gets complicated- as we were working towards me adopting my husband’s children and were hesitant that anything we shared could be manipulated or taken out of context- no matter how sweet or special it seemed to us.
When I finally started to feel the courage to come out of hiding in my shell and began sharing publicly, I chose a hot topic to start with… our decision to birth at home. Some of our family members disagreed and they were very loud about it- in their defense, they are considered medical professionals. The threats and concerns were extremely loud and nasty and while I wasn't offended, it provided a much needed reason to pause and reconsider boundaries with our extended family. This meant figuring out how much time we wanted to spend with them, not allowing certain topics to be brought up, and how much access we gave them to our life.
I felt a strong conviction- to keep share my story with the online world, but I knew I would have to put up boundaries to keep myself obedient and attuned to how God wanted me to show up gracefully.
The question isn’t “Will someone in our family disagree with our decision(s)?” or “Will they say things that are meant to hurt me?”… it’s a matter of when. I cannot control their thoughts, concerns, or what they say. The only thing I can control is how I let it affect me when they do say things intentionally for my harm or not. It’s only a matter of time until we make a choice that doesn’t align with their values or experiences and that’s ok- it also doesn’t mean I should act on their beliefs and change my own.
When God calls you to something, He is not always calling you into something comfortable or easy. He's calling you to obey! Where He’s calling you or what he’s called you to do is up to Him; The obedience is up to you.
Let’s turn to scripture for a moment because the Bible has a lot to say about boundaries. Remember Proverbs 4:23: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." That’s a call to be mindful of what we allow into our lives, including relationships. And in Matthew 10:34-36, Jesus Himself said He came not to bring peace but a sword, setting a man against his father and a daughter against her mother. He wasn’t saying to literally break up families, but He was pointing out that our commitment to Him and to living righteously might cause division—even within our own families.
If you're looking for a some further help navigating tough relationships and topics, the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, is a great read. They highlight how setting healthy boundaries is not just about saying "no" to others but saying "yes" to our values, to our mental and emotional health, and ultimately to God. When we create boundaries, we are protecting what God has entrusted to us. And sometimes, that means saying "no" to family dynamics that don’t serve our growth or the well-being of our children.
Breaking Free from Unhealthy Patterns:
Now, I know some of you are thinking, “But Lauren, family is family!” And yes, our families are a huge part of who we are. But here’s the thing: God gave you your family to raise. He entrusted those children to you, not to your momma or your aunt or your sister. And sometimes, the best way to honor God and your family is by protecting them from harm—even if that harm is coming from inside the family.
It’s not easy to break free from the expectations that come with generational influence. Maybe your family has always done things a certain way, and stepping out feels like you’re betraying them. But let me remind you of something powerful: the best choice for your family is already inside of you. God placed that wisdom and discernment in your heart, and it’s okay to listen to it. You have the freedom to set boundaries that are in the best interest of your immediate family.
When you make these decisions with intention and purpose, you cultivate a confidence that comes from knowing you're honoring God and prioritizing the well-being of those closest to you. It’s about choosing to live in peace and making room for what God has planned for your life. And let’s not forget, peace isn’t just the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of God’s love, grace, and truth in every aspect of our lives.
Practical Tips for Navigating Holidays and Expectations:
Now, with the holidays quickly approaching I thought there was no better time to talk about some practical tips to help you navigate those tricky situations, when expectations can feel like they’re at an all-time high.
Communicate Early and Clearly: Let your family know ahead of time what your plans are and what your boundaries will be. If you decide not to attend a family gathering or limit your time there, communicate that as early as possible. This gives everyone time to adjust and sets the tone that your boundaries are firm and intentional.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that not everyone will agree with or understand your boundaries, and that's okay. Your job is not to make everyone happy but to ensure the health and well-being of your immediate family. Be prepared for some pushback, but remember, when you make decisions with confidence and purpose, you are not just reacting—you are leading.
Offer Alternatives: If you can't or don’t want to attend a particular family gathering, suggest an alternative way to spend time together. Maybe a smaller, more intimate setting would be better, or perhaps you could plan a separate get-together at a different time that suits your family better. This allows you to honor your relationships while still respecting your own boundaries. We actually limit the number of family gatherings we do just because we actually want to enjoy the holidays and not anticipate the moment they are over so we can recover.
Establish Safe Topics: If certain topics of conversation often lead to tension or conflict, gently steer conversations away from these areas. It’s okay to say, “I’d rather not talk about that today” or “Let’s focus on something more positive.” This is about choosing peace over chaos and cultivating a positive environment for everyone involved.
Lean on Your Immediate Family: During these times, lean into the support and love of your spouse and children. Make sure your own family is united in your approach to the holiday or gathering. Have a plan for how to support each other if things get uncomfortable. Remember, you are a team, and your united front will help you navigate any challenges.
Practice Self-Care Before and After: Prepare yourself emotionally and spiritually before attending family events. Spend time in prayer, grounding yourself in God’s peace. After the event, make sure to decompress and process any emotions that came up, whether that's through journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or spending quiet time with God. Taking care of yourself helps you stay centered and aligned with your purpose.
Give Yourself Permission to Leave: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is leave a situation that feels unhealthy. If you’re at a family gathering and things start to go south, it’s okay to say, “We need to go now.” Protect your peace and the well-being of your family. You are allowed to choose environments that support your values and your mental and emotional health.
Friends, if you’re feeling the weight of family expectations, remember that you are not alone. God is with you in this. You have permission to set boundaries and protect your peace. You have permission to say, "This isn’t healthy for me or my kids," and to step back. And you know what? That is not only okay, it’s holy.
It might seem silly, but creating boundaries isn’t a matter of pettiness, it’s a matter of protection. You might not need to block someone on social media, but it might be time to put up a fence around your life and guard that gate. Mama, you are the gatekeeper of your home.
By making these choices with confidence and intention, you are cultivating a home filled with peace, joy, and love—the very things that God desires for you and your family. Let’s break the chains of unhealthy family dynamics and step into the freedom God has for us. You are not responsible for carrying on traditions that are harmful or for maintaining relationships that are toxic. You are responsible for your little ones God has entrusted to you and for creating a home that is safe, healthy, and filled with joy.
Challenge: The "Boundary Blessing" Practice
This week, identify one area where you need a boundary. Pray for discernment, communicate your decision, and celebrate the peace it brings by sharing your experience with the Joyful Life Insiders.
You are not alone, and you have permission to set boundaries that honor God and protect your family. Let’s make this Thanksgiving the start of healthier traditions filled with joy and peace.
Keep choosing joy, friends, and I’ll see you next time!
If this episode resonates with you, I’d love for you to join me for the Joyful Life Workshop. The doors are officially open!!!
In this workshop, I’ll walk through my Joyful Life Goal Planner. I’ve crafted a step-by-step process to help you start your year with a fresh outlook. This three-part series is all about creating a vision for your life that’s rooted in hope, intention, and purpose. I will walk you through the steps to rest and reflect, refresh your values and vision for the coming season, and get ready to embrace your next season, in the new year. And, the best part is that you can do this practice over and over, as many times as you like. By the end of this workshop, you will have a vision for the next 12 months, 3 years, 5 years, and beyond. You will know how to align your daily choices to your goals to help you achieve the life you have yet to live!
You’ll be creating healthy boundaries for yourself, know exactly how to create joy in your life, and live with joyful expectations- to get your hopes up! I promise you, you will return to this year after year, season after season and you’ll be ready to embrace all the goodness that’s coming your way. Details are in the show notes—I hope to see you there!
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I want to leave you with this one verse: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Let’s get our hopes up, friends!
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Thanks so much for stopping by! We so enjoy sharing our life alongside you. We are so grateful to each of you reading and being a part of our life and our story! We hope to be part of yours, too! And, we'd love to connect.
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With joy,
Lauren Alonso
topics and tags: hope and faith, how to get your hopes up, mindset reset, trusting God’s plan, Christian encouragement, joyful expectations, overcoming fear, Christian podcast, positive mindset tips, trusting God in hard times, finding joy in every season, hope in difficult seasons, renewing your mind, biblical encouragement, Christian goal setting, practical faith steps, joy-filled life, spiritual growth tips, Philippians 4:8 reflection, navigating challenges with faith